So this has been an interesting month in terms of my disability to say the least. Getting told to leave a disabled seat at a movie theater because I didn’t “look” handicapped and the movie employee didn’t believe me. Then being promptly ignored by Regal when I complained and wrote a letter. Rounding it all out by being called “gimpy” and having my walk imitated like I was back in grade school.
I try to maintain a certain air of positivity and upbeatness (don’t even think that’s a word) with my blog here. But I have to say, this month has tested my ability to maintain a positive spirit. Beaten down and pretty taken over by everything, I just wanted to hideout all day today. I just wanted to not be the handicapped girl for one second. Didn’t want to have to deal with trying to overcome being upset by it. I know it’s ok to admit that yes I still have hard days. I still have days where I go and cry in the bathroom because of something someone said to me. I still feel that pang in my gut when I realize someone has noticed my limp because I had just begun to stop thinking about it. It really is that elephant that is always in the room. It’s something I will have to deal with the rest of my life. I’m always going to have to be explaining myself. People are always going to be looking and wondering what’s wrong with my leg. And on the other end, because I’m not in a wheelchair, people are always going to be questioning my use of handicapped parking spots or the handicap seating at movie theaters. Most of the time though I don’t even really think about that. I don’t let it get me overwhelmed because really, if I dwelled on the fact that this is a lifelong deal, I would drive myself nuts (and did for many years in the past).
I know these days will come and go throughout my life. But that’s it. They will come…and they will go. They don’t define my life and they don’t define me. It’s just a small portion of it all. I am so extremely blessed with an amazing family, great friends and now a pretty cool job to boot too. Hey…there’s that positivity again!