I was reading through my posts on here the other night as I sometimes do and I realized something…I try to keep the content I write positive intentionally. There’s so much negativity out there as it is, I kind of want this to be a more happy-centric place for people to come. But reading through everything from the past few months, I felt like maybe I was misrepresenting myself a bit; not being truly authentic. I actually felt I was almost being fake in some ways. For the most part I am a very positive person (a recent development for sure though) and that was definitely the mood I was in when I wrote all of these posts.
But I’m also human. I’m not walking around in the world everyday quoting Oprah or trying to reflect on my inner enlightenment. I have bad days. I get sad. I get mad. I cry and I’m definitely far from perfect. Even I have days where I just can’t bring myself to read another inspirational article or positive blog post. Days when it’s hard or takes a very concerned effort to bring myself out of a slump. Just flat out bad days.
And though I’m certainly much more centered than I’ve ever been in my life, I still have those days where I hate my disability. Days when I feel bad because someone noticed or said something about my limp. Days when I cry after a fall.
The positive is great, don’t get me wrong. Inspirational quotes and articles are amazing and have gotten me through some truly tough times. But I think what makes that stuff even more powerful and even more meaningful is the fact that we’re all human. We all have bad days. We all get mad or sad and I’m not different. I didn’t feel like I was being a truly authentic blogger (or person for that matter) representing myself in only the positive/happy light. I definitely want to make people feel good in writing what I do on here but I also want to be myself and the reality is myself is a whole mish mosh of emotions and experiences: a lot of them good and a lot of them bad. I know I certainly relate to people the most when I know both the great experiences they’ve had as well as the struggles they’ve had to overcome. When you hear someone had a bad day or experience just like you did.
As my blog headline says…it’s not being John Malkovich but it is being me!