Can You Ever Be Too Nice?

I was talking to my best friend on the way home from work today and she got me thinking…can you ever be too nice? Is there such a thing?

I’ve generally operated under the premise of “treat someone as you want to be treated” in life. I’m certainly not perfect and I’ve had my days where I’m sure I haven’t done this but I do know I’m one of those people who will sometimes be extra careful to not hurt someone else’s feelings or cause a confrontation. After all, what I put out there is what I’ll get back right? So why not put nice out there? Especially in recent months, I’ve made a conscious effort to walk out into the world smiling and with an open and positive aura (yes, I realize how New Age I just sounded in that sentence).

I realized something from talking to her though, there’s a fine line between nice and not standing up for yourself. I think I’ve always had trouble with that last part. I think sometimes I want to avoid confrontation or hurt feelings so much that I’ll put the needs of others before my own. I won’t say how I feel because I don’t want to hurt their feelings. I’ll go so far as to let someone treat me poorly because I don’t want to cause a stir. Just because I might assert when someone’s wronged or hurt me doesn’t make me mean. Asking for what I need doesn’t make me cruel. It just makes me a person and it makes me communicative. I’d stand up for someone else if I thought they were being treated unfairly, why not do it for myself?

If we all walked around not saying what we needed or wanted or not sharing our feelings, yes we’d live in a much more calm world but we would also live in a bit of a fake world because none of us would authentically be addressing what’s going on in our heads and our hearts. We’d be smiling but letting things fester inside of us. We may never get raises at work. We may never dare to ask for what we want so therefore, we may never get it.

To my amazing friend (you know who you are): thank you for the lesson 🙂

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8 thoughts on “Can You Ever Be Too Nice?

  1. I totally feel the same way. Sometimes I feel that I am just way too nice and try to accommodate everyone else before I accommodate myself. Sometimes it gets really annoying, but I just can’t help but being nice to others first. I can’t help it ughhh

    1. It really is hard putting yourself first sometimes Vinny. It seems like it would be easy since it’s you but it really just is easier to be nice and avoid conflict sometimes. I definitely get that. And just think, being nice to everyone has probably given you some fantastic karma either way 🙂

  2. I think what you said is so true. I wonder if women háve a tendency to struggle with this more than men? I wonder if it’s something that we grow out of with age and maturity?

  3. I’m totally in this boat! I’m often too nice to people who certainly don’t deserve it. I think in recent years I’ve grown a bit of a backbone but it’s definitely still a daunting task if I need to confront someone because they’ve crossed a line with me. Like you, I’m quick to defend or help anyone else.

    Thanks for posting this! I think I need to have an important conversation with myself to stand up for what I want or need in this life.

  4. I’ve found that being the person you want to be and not the person people want you to be is more important. What goes around comes around and being honest with yourself is most important. If you can’t be yourself with friends you are only fooling yourself and setting yourself up for disappointment.,:-)

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