So this week was kind of a mixed bag of emotions. From finding out some sad news, thinking my car was having issues (yet again), finding out my car was fine, and feeling like I put my foot in my mouth several times, I’ve come to realize how much of a work in progress I still am.
I still find myself focusing way too much on saying or doing the exact “right” thing. I hear my brain saying “what should I do?” or “what’s the right thing to do here?” I get obsessed about doing the exact right thing…the exact perfect thing. Why? Because I’m worried if I don’t, I’ll make a huge mistake or mess something up. So again, my friend hit the nail right on the head when she told me I focus way too much on trying to be “perfect” and never mess up.
I try so hard to avoid making mistakes, I think we all do, but the truth is that some of the biggest mistakes I’ve made, I’ve learned the most from. I don’t regret some of the biggest ones I’ve made either whether it be a relationship or something reckless. Yet sometimes I find myself regretting something as small as what I said to someone.
It would be silly to expect change overnight but this is something about myself that I really do want to work on. I don’t want to let my disability affect me so much that I become so preoccupied with being “perfect” or doing the exact right thing. I want to learn to let go and just be. Not spend my life trying not to make a mistake because I know already how exhausting that can be.
I know that everything I’ve done is a small piece of the big puzzle that is my life. Not all of the pieces are perfect, but somehow they all fit together.