I recently joined an online book club with friends and the first thing we are reading is called Daring Greatly. It’s about vulnerability and what it truly means to be vulnerable out there in the world.
It seems a very fitting book for me personally to be reading as I dive back into the world of dating…again. Vulnerability isn’t something that’s ever come very easily to me. Growing up with something that makes me perceived as different and allowing it to make me feel less than certainly didn’t foster an internal environment of wanting to let people in. This has been especially true when it comes to men and dating. I’m sure I’ve said it over and over here that I’ve been hurt a lot. I’ve been lied to a lot and my first serious relationship was more intense and draining than any relationship should be. So being vulnerable is not something that I’ve let myself be.
In fact I’ve often tried to be the complete opposite. I’ve tried to build up as many walls as possible in order to feel as little as possible. I’ve tried to protect myself from more lies and from more hurt. I’ve envied those women in movies or TV that seem completely emotionally shut off and the guy has to convince them that it’s worth feeling. It hasn’t been until the last 6 months or so where I’ve really tried to change that; even before I started reading this book.
It’s damn hard to vulnerable…to open yourself up to the world and allow yourself to get hurt. Oftentimes I think we associate vulnerability with weakness when in reality, it’s the strongest way any of us could ever choose to be. Saying “Ok life, here I come!” And when I think about the times I’ve been hurt in my life, they are the times I’ve learned the most from. The times when things have been easy, the times when I’ve been so immensely happy I can’t even describe it, those times have been great yes. But it’s those times when I’ve been crushed or I’ve hit rock bottom that really taught me something, and they’ve made those great moments seem even more great.
So here it goes…here I go. To dare greatly….