I’m stuck in a box…a glass box. It’s square. A lot of the time I can sit in the middle and be ok. Be happy. I can be centered and focused. But then something comes up. I get up to walk away and I hit the glass. I turn around to get out another away. I hit the glass. I look up…more glass. That’s what living with a disability is like, especially one where you aren’t in a wheelchair.
This month has been kind of the last straw for me. I’m tired of dealing with the box. I want to break the glass. I’m too disabled for things to be easy (meeting guys, exercise, activities, walking) but not enough for people to believe I’m actually disabled. I’m questioning everything. I’m not sure that i want to treat others the way they want to be treated anymore because that’s not the treatment I get. I’m not sure that I want to be so open and let people in anymore. I think I would rather go back to being standoffish and closed off. I’m not sure I want to blog anymore and try to convince myself that everything is ok and that I’m actually helping anyone. People would much rather listen to the phoney inspiration of pretty people who in reality, aren’t very nice.
I’m at a crossroads now because I can’t break the box. I’m trapped in it whether I like it or not. So now I just have to choose the path.