I Am Me

Caring. Thirst for Knowledge. Passive Aggressive. High Expectations. Differently-Abled. Strong. Sensitive. Intolerant of Phoneyness. Stubborn. Unique. Giddy. Witty. Sarcastic. Introspective. Determined. Compassionate. Positive.

The last couple of days, once I came out of the tear-filled rut I was clearly in (as you can tell from my last post), I started to try think of words I’d use to describe myself, negative and positive. It seems a bit narcissistic and maybe it is, but I actually found it really hard to come up with even 4 words to describe myself. It seems like it would be an easy exercise, but it feels strange to try and sum yourself up with just a few words and the bad things are actually a lot easier to come up with than the good ones.

I’m still struggling with everything that happened last week…with everything that happened this month really. I’m frustrated and I do feel changed by it all. Maybe for the better, maybe not. I’m not going to stop being who I am but I think I’ve made a few amendments.  I certainly know I am going to start taking even more of a stand when anyone (not just me) is treated unfairly because of their disability, no matter how severe it may or may not be. The only way we can fight ignorance is by standing up and fighting against it and by raising awareness by doing so. I know that this disability is something I am always going to have and there is nothing I can do about it. Even those closest to me may never be able to relate, but all I can do is make the best of it and be thankful for the way it’s shaped who I am. I may not even always believe that but thankfully I have a lot of good people around me to point me in the right direction to get back there.

A person with muscular dystrophy are certainly words that describe me, but there are also many others sharing its company.

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4 thoughts on “I Am Me

  1. Not everyone takes the lessons of illness and vulnerability with them back into health when they are better. Some want to run from the lessons and reject anyone who reminds them of their vulnerability.

    Our vulnerability in illness can be our path to a side of us that existed before our birth – our spirit or as Buddhists say, our original nature.

    I’ve chosen to explore that permanent spirit, rather than the impermanent nature I was born into. Like you, I enjoy this impermanent life as fully as possible but it is not fully who I am.

    For anyone who does not learn the difference between this vulnerable life and the invulnerable spirit and the use of both, they will learn it again with greater difficulty at death.

    You and I are more fortunate. We have already learned the lesson and can be less fearful of our present and future.

    Namaste

  2. Thank you for the comment Vernon. Though I don’t consider my disability to be an illness, I certainly appreciate what you are saying. Starting this blog and sharing my story has certainly helped me achieve a more vulnerable life also and that’s a great thing!

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