When I Look Back on My Life…

3541816486_16fb8cbdc9This is a first. Updating my blog with the possibility of it not posting it on social media (the automatic sharing feature on WordPress has seemingly failed for the past 3 months). But I’m keeping my promise to myself to stay off of it 🙂

This past week many of us lost someone very dear to us. For me she was a coworker and a friend. She was pure light. Whenever I would see her at work and catch up about our weekends, I can’t totally explain it but my spirit would just smile…it would light up. I looked forward to seeing her smile and hearing her laugh every day. I can’t say there are a lot of people I’ve met, especially in a work environment, that have touched me as greatly as she did. We weren’t best friends. We didn’t hang out outside of work but she was just one of those people. She was taken from her family and friends way too young. The word tragedy doesn’t even begin to cover it. I still hope she’s going to walk into the office kitchen tomorrow and ask me how I’m doing and we’ll laugh about how tired we are.

When someone who has had an impact on your life passes away, I think it’s almost impossible for us not to take a step back and reflect on our own lives. I’ve spent a lot of my own being scared. Being shut down. Pushing people away and making excuses. Focusing only on what I don’t have or what’s gone wrong rather than what I do have and all the things that have gone right. Margot’s passing reminded me of just how important it is to live each day to the fullest because you never know what tomorrow might bring. I really started to think about things I’d want to think or feel if I was able to really look back on my life as if it were a movie. A timeline. What I would I want to be able to say about my life? I know I said once here that I was trying to take every opportunity to do something instead of doing what was comfortable and staying home or choosing to sleep instead of hang out with friends. So I decided to make a list.  A snapshot of some of the things I want to be able to say when I look back on my life in the  future. I hope that when I look back on my life…

I will have taken every opportunity to spend time with the people I love

I will never have taken for granted the people in my life

I will have told my family and my friends I love them as often as possible

I will have laughed fully and laughed often

I will have made others laugh fully and laugh often

I will have acted and thought with compassion rather than judgement 

I will not have been afraid to let go and love fearlessly

I will have made a difference in someone’s life

I may not be rich but I will have taken chances and opportunities that made me feel fulfilled and made a difference

I will have seen more of the world than I ever could have imagined

The phrase “I can’t” will have been completely removed from my dictionary

I may not have gotten married or had children but will have been surrounded by more love than I even knew what to do with

I will never have been afraid to express what I’m feeling

I will have loved myself…flaws, imperfections, mistakes, bad decisions, and all

When you look back on your life…what do you hope you will feel?

2 thoughts on “When I Look Back on My Life…

  1. So, it worked on facebook 🙂 I love what you wrote here.

    1. I’m incredibly sorry for your loss. The people I have lost in my life whether a close family member or an acquaintance have made me more aware of living my life the way I want to and to whatever my definition of the fullest is.

    2. When ever I am feeling like I may not be living to the fullest, I recall this quote by Mark Twain (which is my absolute favorite): “Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowline. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the tradewinds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.”

    There is nothing else I have ever read that makes me so alive as that statement.

    Keep on keepin on my friend. Miss ya.

  2. I’m proud of you Jackie. You’re working on your own bucket list. We’ve all lost someone near and dear, but that’s part of life. Sorry for your loss, but we must do our best to move forward. Your one comment about removing the phrase I can’t is quite similar to me. In the pool I do the very best I can to eventually get back on my feet.:-) The owners of the pool operation at my last evaluation in August made me aware that I had about 10 more visits to my credit on Medicare, but they did not want to use them, but requested I continue at my own convenience. It seems many of their other patients ask why I’m asked to do a single set of an exercise and I do 2 or 3? There sore, tired, or in pain, and wonder why. They are told because he wants out of that wheelchair and is willing to do whatever necessary to reach that goal. They say I inspire them to try harder more than the trainers. How could I refuse. We all deal with some kind of disability. It’s facing the challenge every minute to not let it beat us down. If we do our very best, who knows, we might succeed, and the word CAN’T does not apply:-) One baby step forward is all it takes. That and patience:-)

    Merry Christmas Jackie, and if you can,the MDA Group is having their annual party next Tues. 12/10 at 6:45-8:15 if interested. A gift exchange with a $10 limit will happen and food will be served. Hope you can make it:-)

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