The Health Factor

I just got back from a raw vegan cooking class (which turned out to be more of a demonstration that involved food being served). It was all about healthy eating and getting the most out of your food (aka vegetables). It was interesting and for the most part, the food wasn’t bad but it got me thinking…

Health and especially healthy eating was really never high up on the priority list for me. In the past few years I’ve made a lot of improvements and I definitely eat much healthier now than I ever used to. But the basis for my not caring what I ate for so many years stemmed from my defeatist mentality. Why bother taking care of my body that didn’t really work so well to begin with? Why did it matter what I was putting into it when I was already weak (and could get weaker) to begin with?

I can’t say I’ve totally shaken that mentality still. Though I pay much more attention to what I put in my body and I know that weight gain is always dangerous for someone who falls all the time and has enough trouble getting up as it is, I still can’t say I fully see the point in going through leaps and bounds to try and stay healthy. At the end of the day, I’ll always be a girl living with MD and no amount of spinach or kale is going to change that. I really am in OK health overall anyway. Knock on wood, I haven’t gotten sick in almost a year, even through several outbreaks of the flu and colds at work. Everything else seems to be operating a-ok.

The same sentiment applies for working out. I like to walk and I like to do yoga but it seems like every time I start to get in a routine with it, I fall and it completely kills my confidence and desire to keep up with being active in any real way. I’m just never going to be able to do it to the extent other people can…which is maybe why I have to be even more careful about what I eat.

This next part is going to sound extremely morbid but I just don’t want to live that long either. I don’t mean that in a depressed, “I have nothing to live for” kind of way, I just don’t aspire to live to a ripe old age because of my disability. I don’t know what kind of physical shape I’m going to be in even in twenty years….I can’t even begin to predict what the case will be fifty years from now. Obviously I’m young and single so it’s easy for me to say this now but it certainly ties in with how I take care of my body. I would rather just live for the time I am on this Earth (and have Del Taco or ice cream sometimes) rather than obsess, stress and spend a ton of money and time making food that’s going to help me live longer. That mentality might eventually change for me but right now, that’s how I feel.

It’s so overwhelming sometimes…eat this, don’t eat that, do this workout, you should be drinking this many glasses of water. Sometimes I just want to yell at the world to leave me alone, that I have a disability and all that stuff isn’t so easily applied to me. It’s hard to find a balance when you’re born with a different starting point than everyone else. I’m pretty sure that’s something Dr. Oz or any fad food trends haven’t kept in mind…

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One thought on “The Health Factor

  1. Everything you wrote about made me reflect on my relationship, my boyfriend has said the same things and probably for the same reasons. I want to encourage you to be the best you you can be! Start small, set goals don’t get down on yourself if you fail to complete those goals. If it helps, I make goals that don’t matter so when I look at the big goals I didn’t do today I can still reflect and say yeah, but I painted my nails and put the dishes in the sink. Writing a to do list and crossing stuff off might give you a greater sense of accomplishment

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