To Be Honest

Here is a blatantly honest fact about me: I’ve been single for 6 years now. Yep…6. This is something I’m trying to get more used to saying out loud and openly admitting. I don’t even like to say “admitting” because that makes it sound like something I should be ashamed of. Yes, sometimes I don’t like having to tell this to people because that little nasty voice in my head that I’m trying to train to be kinder tells me that my elongated single status means I’m behind or not as good as other people. There must be something wrong with me that I haven’t found a relationship in that period of time.

Another honest fact: I’m approaching a milestone birthday this year. I would be lying if I said it didn’t scare me a little. Not necessarily because I feel like my life isn’t where it “should” be or where I pictured it would be, but because I just have no idea how I got to be this age so fast. I still feel like it was yesterday when I was in high school. I’m happy that with every passing year I have learned more and grown more but man…where does the time go?

And the last blatantly honest fact (disclaimer: foul language forthcoming): As I sit here and type this, I don’t give two shits about either one. I don’t care that because I’m turning this certain age, I “should” be married and have kids. I don’t care that I’ve been single for that long because I know it’s been a choice (I honestly don’t even care if it wasn’t a choice). I’ve refused to settle and honestly, haven’t really been looking. I don’t care that that might mean I might be single for another 6 years. I don’t care that it might mean I might be single forever. I don’t care that my life doesn’t fit into some mold of what society thinks it should be. I don’t care that I don’t fit into some mold of what society thinks I should be. I am here and I am me in all of my unique awesomeness. I am on my own path…yes, my own. No one else’s. I’m not here to try make my path like someone else’s. I’m not here to forge a path based on anyone else’s expectations. I’m here to forge it alone…all of the bumps and hurdles and forks. They’re mine to figure out. Screw everything else 🙂

Advertisements

2 thoughts on “To Be Honest

  1. wow…i really love your posts. It’s strange to read this, as it is so close to home! I too am hitting a milestone birthday this year (dirty thirty in August!) and also have been single for quite a while. However, this is the first time in my life where I am not panicking, I’m no longer willing to lower my self worth just to fit in with societal expectations, or family & friend expectations, or going to freak myself out that “i’ll be alone forever” etc. I’m simply not engaging in that crap anymore…I’m too old(!) 🙂 It doesn’t mean I don’t get lonely or that I don’t want to fall in love, it just means I recognise it’s not the be all and end all in my life. i’m happy to leave my twenties behind, as much fun as they were, as I feel capable and curious for what my thirties hold!

    You’re words are always refreshing, comforting and a pleasure to read! xx

    1. Hi Ana. Thank you so much! Im really glad this resonated with you. I think you put it perfectly too. We still get lonely and want to fall on love but realize its not the end all be all. Totally 🙂

Leave a Reply

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s