I had a revelation after getting out of the shower this morning (yeah, probably didn’t need to share that much). I realized that at least part of the reason why I’ve been so angry and generally unhappy lately is because of my accident. Yes, I know you’re probably going “duh Jackie, you’ve been saying that for months”. I just never quite got exactly why. Lately, if I have a really good day, I’m wary because I’m just waiting for the bad day to come…and inevitably it does. Pre-accident, I would have my angry days. I would get upset if I had a bad day but it didn’t make me implode like it has been post-accident. So this morning I realized what that day did to my brain. I got up, got in my car and was expecting just to go to work like any other day. I never expected I was going to smashed into and sent to the ER. So unfortunately, I’ve let that mess with my mind going forward. Everyday I leave for work, or everyday I get into that car, I wonder what’s waiting around the corner for me (literally and figuratively).
Then I started to think about what I even define as a “good” day or a “bad” day. It will probably come as no surprise that a “good” day to me is one where everything goes perfectly. Work is great, I hit all the green lights on the way home, no one hurts my feelings, I don’t mess anything up, etc. etc. When a day is “bad”, sometimes almost all of those things still would have happened but I might have said something stupid or somebody did something that upset me. The day automatically gets filed in the “bad” category (even if it overall was fine). So I really need to work on redefining what good days and bad days are. Days can be good even when something bad happens and bad days can be good because even if everything else was crap, that one awesome moment made it great. Even the day of my accident. Though it was scary and something I would never wish anyone else to go through, I came out of it with a positive attitude. I felt renewed and I felt extremely fortunate in about 1,000 different ways. I think if any day should qualify as “bad”, that one should. Not the day when I’m awkward with a coworker. I don’t even consider my accident day bad though because of what it gave me in the end. Every day has something to give us; in the good or the bad, it teaches us something or leads us to something.
I’ll be honest that it’s been harder to get myself through the days lately. I’ve started to slip back into get overwhelmed and that is never a good thing for me. It leads to a lot of negative self talk and negative thoughts. But I realized as I was driving home from the grocery store today, one of the main reasons why life is worth living for: the good moments. We may have a lifetime of bad ones or we may just have a few bad days here and there, but the moments that make us laugh, make us smile, and light up our souls…those are the ones that make it worth getting up in the morning for. Those are the ones that will ultimately stay with us. All the bad moments make us stronger, they help us grow, and they teach us important lessons and they also help illuminate the great ones and see just how great they really are.