…Loves You. I hate this song. The tune isn’t bad, but the fact that the words reinforce the whole idea that we aren’t whole human beings until someone loves us or gives us the time of day makes me cringe. That something external is the only thing that will make us worthwhile or make us “somebody”, irritates me to no end. Now of course it was written in the 1940’s, a time very different than the one we live in now. I get that.
I found myself getting upset again tonight about what I wrote a couple blogs before this one. I’ve become what I’ve now coined as the “filler girl”. The girl guys don’t actually have any romantic feelings for but want to spend time with and then proceed to tell about the girls they actually have romantic feelings for. I take it way too personally, I admit that. I wonder what I must be doing wrong that I’m not one of those girls (and trust me, we all know one or two of them) that meets a guy and he is instantly interested in her (and this happens with nearly every single guy she comes into contact with). I thought to myself, “I just want to be wanted” (again, per the song: “It’s hard times when nobody wants you”). And then it hit me…this was just another form of relying on the validation of something outside of myself to make me feel whole, or like everyone else. Having a bunch of guys like me must mean I mean something too right? At first glance, it might not seem the same as seeking others approval or wanting everyone to like you but in truth, it’s exactly the same. So the core issue for me wasn’t even really about the guys themselves, it was about my own sense of self-worth.
So no, maybe I don’t have guys lined up around the corner right now (seriously people who told me that constantly when I was growing up, it’s a nice thought, but that’s just not the way it happened) but it doesn’t matter. The only validation I need is that which only I can provide. It can’t come from any guy, any girl, any car, any amount of money. It can only come from inside of me. Even if I live til the age of 80 and I’m still single and no guys are interested in me, I still have every capability and every right for that matter, to feel like a whole person. To feel validated and to feel worthy.
So sorry Dean (Martin)…you’re nobody until you love yourself. Screw everyone else.