Sometimes I think I would make a good hermit…sometimes I actually think I want to be one in fact. I just get so frustrated with the state of the world. Then I remember how much I like having a regular job, having social interaction and remember I’m the last person that would ever be able to just live off the land. I just have these moments, even days sometimes, when I genuinely just want to spend time with only myself. The past couple of days have been like that. Generally I feel like my social life could be better, that I should have more friends or be doing more things but then I have days like these where there’s nothing I would rather do than sit in my room, watch Parks and Recreation on Netflix and read.
It also tends to happen when I’m going through something emotionally. I tend to just go inside myself and don’t really want to come out. I’ve been having this whole rethink lately about social media and what our society has become because of it. I’m on Facebook and Instagram and Snapchat just as much as the next person but I still manage to put my phone away for a movie, when I’m at dinner with someone or just spending time with friends. Wherever I go these days I see people interacting…with their phones and not each other. I witnessed a mom and daughter at dinner a few weeks ago and they literally said nothing to each other the entire time. They stared at their phones until their food came and then they ate until they were done. I didn’t have a cell phone when I was a kid because they weren’t invented yet and I’m actually quite thankful for that. Even with a disability, I played outside. My mom took me shopping and to lunches. My parents took me places and we had game nights. I didn’t spend most of my life staring at a screen.
I love the internet and it amazes me how far we’ve come technologically. It just makes me sad that this whole idea of social media has made us all so unsocial with the actual people in our lives. When I was growing up, we thrived off of getting attention and validation from our peers or a boy/girl…now people are thriving off getting attention and validation from their phones or a popup notification. Neither one is good of course but you get my point. I’ve found myself mindlessly scrolling through Instagram or Facebook these past few weeks and then thinking, “what am I doing?”. As bitchy or judgmental as it sounds, I just don’t care what you ate for dinner or if you’re on your way to Coachella for the third time. If you want to tell me what you did, pick up the phone even if it’s just to text me (and people who are my good friends usually do). I think it’s been a good month since I even had a phone conversation with someone other than parents.
My personal feeling is that some things should just stay private too. We’ve all gotten so used to living in this public culture where we share every detail. Look at me, I blog about a lot of intimate things here but I have to draw the line at checking into the Emergency Room on Facebook. There’s just some things that should stay sacred, that I would think people would want to keep sacred.
I’ve posted a thousand blogs about the topic and about my reasons for breaking from social media so I won’t beat the topic to a pulp. I just get so saddened with how disconnected we’ve all become. So sometimes I would just rather be alone and connect with myself since sometimes it seems like I’m the only genuinely interested in connecting with me.
The older I get, the less I want to just sit silent and not say what I think or how I feel, no matter who it might offend as evidenced by a lot of the things I’ve said here I’m sure. I think I can thank my 93 year old feisty (and completely filter-less) grandma for that. Life’s too short to spend it constantly trying get everyone to like you or say the right thing all the time (even with your closest friends) and sometimes things just need to be said. I want to be my authentic self outwardly, not just inwardly. So there, I’ve said it.