I watched a Netflix documentary this weekend called “Tig” about female comedian Tig Notaro (who I admittedly had never heard of before I saw her on Jimmy Fallon last week). I’ve been feeling a lot lately like I can’t do anything right. Like I’m the world’s most giant moron (or “Mormon” as auto correct rather hilariously changed moron to in a text to my friend) or I’m just not doing enough. I’m not exercising enough. I’m not putting myself out there enough. I’m not traveling enough. I’m not blogging enough. I’m not enoughing enough. The list goes on and on. It’s been a bit of a pit of self shame to say the least.
I won’t give you the entire synopsis of “Tig” because Netflix can do that for you with a convenient mouse over of the title, but I will give you the list of things that she had to deal with just in a couple years’ time.
- She got really sick with a nasty and life threatening intestinal infection known as C-Diff
- She went through a breakup
- Her mom died suddenly after a fall
- She was diagnosed with breast cancer
- She had to have a bilateral mastectomy from that cancer
- She tried to have a child via a surrogate after her cancer remission and the one viable egg that was implanted in the surrogate wouldn’t take
So needless to say, she was dealt a lot of really crappy shit. Even just one of those would be hard enough for a person to endure but consecutively in a few years time? I don’t know how she made it through. But she did. She made one of her most revolutionary stand up appearances where she talked about every single one of those things and it became her best selling comedy album. She could have given up at any time. I know I wouldn’t have blamed her for it. But she didn’t give up. She fought and fought. Today, she’s happily engaged, still doing her stand-up, and is working towards adopting a baby with her fiance.
I get defeated when I accidentally put bleach instead of fabric softener in a colored load (yes, I did in fact do that today) and then proceed to take a giant sprawling fall across the tile floor in that same laundry room. This is supposed to be the year of acceptance as I so honorably proclaimed at the beginning of the year but I think that’s actually been one of the hardest things for me this year. I have a really hard time dealing with the ebbs and flows that come up in life sometimes. I want to just have 2 consecutive days where nothing goes wrong or where I don’t screw something up, but I know that’s just not realistic. I’ve done a lot of reflecting on past years and this year really isn’t any different. I had my car accident last year. I had a medical scare the year before that. There are always going to be bumps in the road. For people like Tig, sometimes there are going to be giant potholes and entire portions of the road missing you have to drive around. My minor little hiccups really are nothing in the big scheme of things. They’re just a part of life. They just happen and that’s ok. And I’m not a moron. I just have to remind myself it’s not the end of the world and that nothing is permanent. This too shall pass…and it always does.