I had a dream last night that made me think a lot about loss. It’s been on my mind lately in general since I’ve lost 2 family members in the last year, but the dream made me think about a different kind of loss. The kind where the person is still alive, but you still feel like you’ve lost them.
People come in and out of our lives: friends, boyfriends, girlfriends, family, coworkers. Sometimes that’s for the best (ahem, ex-boyfriends) but sometimes it can’t help but make you sad. Sometimes people come in to your life and they mean a lot to you. Maybe you have feelings for them, maybe they’re a close friend…in some way they’re important to you. Then something happens, they move. You have a falling out. You lose touch. Sometimes things just fizzle out. You try to keep in touch. You try to text. But it just gets to a point where you don’t talk anymore. It gets to a point where you know you’re probably never going to see them again.
This kind of loss certainly isn’t as painful as a death, but it’s painful in its own way. To know there’s someone out there you cared about (or maybe still do) and even though you’re physically able to talk to or see each other, it just doesn’t happen for one reason or another. Because one or both of you just chooses not to make the effort or make it happen.
I’ve definitely had my share of these in my life and it seems like the older I get, the more it happens. My life was much much different just 5 or so years ago. A lot of the people I knew or spent time with then aren’t around anymore. They moved or we lost touch or what not. It’s a weird growing pain-like symptom of getting older. It’s similar with dating. I used to always have some “option” floating around. Someone I was talking to, interested in, whatever. But it’s a very different situation now for a lot of reasons, some of them my own fault.
The people that are meant to stay around always will. The people that are willing to make an effort will always be there. But I think we all have those one or two people that we wish would have made the effort. That we wish would have stayed. Oh aging…