As I lie here awake at 10:45 on a Saturday night (this is how you know you’ve passed the age of 30 by the way, when that feels late on a weekend), I’m stewing about a dream I had last night. I don’t want to wake any of my friends up by texting them about it so dear blog readers, I am going to bore you with it instead.
I won’t go into all the gory details, but it was a dream about a guy I dated a little while ago. I’ve actually had several dreams about said guy and they always kind of go the same way. I tell him I’m sorry, that I think I made a mistake, and different reactions ensue depending on the dream. In last night’s episode, he basically said he didn’t want a commitment (something I’ve heard so many times before in real life). Somehow, even after hearing that, I ended up at his place hanging out with him and all of his friends for hours. His place by the way was the most awesome condo complex a mind could ever have created. The Million Dollar Listing guys would have had a field day. But I digress…
It’s important at this juncture to mention this guy has a girlfriend now. He has for a little while now (even though he failed to mention that when we went out on what I thought was date but that’s a story for another time and place). So, of course, I feel even worse for dreaming about him even though I really can’t control what crazy stories my brain decides to weave while I’m in a deep slumber.
The whole day though this irritation has been sitting just below the surface about it. It feels like it actually happened which created annoyance, which then switches to feeling terrible because he has a girlfriend, to going back to me analyzing if maybe I messed up with him, which then takes me back to feeling bad because has a girlfriend. Yeah, my mind is an ugly place sometimes.
It got me thinking about dreams though. I’m one of those people that either luckily or unluckily, depending on how you look at it, almost always remembers my dreams. I can remember dreams I had when I was little to this day. I still have recurring nightmares from when I was a kid (those are always a joy) and I tend to dream really vividly. But I think it’s a common thread among all of us that dreams can make you wake up feeling like something actually happened. You can be mad at your significant other because of something they did in your dream. They can make you feel awkward when you see a coworker you made out with in your dream the night before (totally hypothetical there of course). They can bring up people and memories you’ve tried very hard to forget. They can terrify you. They can make you double check in the morning to ensure you aren’t in fact leaving for work in your pajamas. They can do a lot of things. I think in a lot of ways they can be expressions of suppressed thoughts. Sometimes they can be our way of working through things that maybe we won’t get the chance to in real life (i.e. screaming at ex boyfriends for being assholes).
I wish we could always just have happy, carefree dreams all the time that didn’t dredge up so many feelings or thoughts the next day, but it’s also kind of cool to have a whole separate world inside our heads when we go to sleep. The brain is such an amazingly powerful thing. I’m going to hope tonight’s dream is free of the “Guys I’ve Dated” category though. As a side note, the title of this blog is also a song I love by Beck. That is all.