Behind

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I’ve made no secret of the fact that people acting inconsiderately or like flat out jerks to me or to other people really grinds my gears. Specifically when people cut in line or are impatient in general.

It wasn’t until today that I realized that my hatred of such behavior doesn’t just come from that inner moral compass that points to disliking when people act like assholes, it comes from my MD too. I don’t want this to always be the “let’s blame my MD show” but I do thoroughly enjoy when I find out the source of why I feel or act the way I do. It just happens to turn out that a lot of times that arrow points to my disability.

I’ve grown up always feeling behind, something else I’ve talked about at length here. Not just figuratively in terms of my relationship experience, etc. but physically. I’m always the slowest walker. I have a hard time keeping up with my friends when I’m out. I’m the last one to get in and out of a car. The last one to get up from a table. When I fall, I’m literally watching the world pass right by. If I’m not walking fast enough for people in a queue, they go around me. I feel like I’ve lived a lot of my life looking at the back of things or watching things happen in front of me. It just so happens that with my last name, I was usually the last for everything in school too.

When people cut in line or can’t possibly wait for me to do something, I’m reminded of that behindness again. I become that shy little kid just trying to keep up with everyone again. So the moral of this story is don’t be assholes people. Your time isn’t any more important than someone else’s and if you cut in front of a disabled person, well then you’re just an extra big, giant asshole and karma has a way of taking care of things like that.

photo credit: Pensiero Dresden Symphony via photopin (license)

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