The question I most dread when catching up with people. Mostly because the answer is always the same: “Nothing.”
Somewhere along the way, it became the favored position to have a life that’s forever changing, especially with my generation. When I see people from my parent’s generation for example, it’s perfectly acceptable to have had the same job for 20+ years or live in the same town or whatever. Maybe it’s because I’m still in the youngish generation and that’s when you’re supposed to be moving around and going through all these changes, but whenever I tell people that everything is the same, I always feel just a little bit inadequate. I’m not dating anyone. I live in the same place. I have the same job. If I have anything new to report on, it might just be travels of some sort (which is still pretty awesome on its own).
I admittedly find a lot of comfort in things staying the same. If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it. I think this attitude can undoubtedly be attributed to my MD. Change = the unknown. The unknown = potentially difficult or even harmful situations for me. But at the end of the day, I also like where I live. I like my job. I’m happy not to be dating. But there’s always that question buzzing around in the back of my mind…”am I supposed to be wanting/striving for more in change in my life?” “Should I be trying to move to another state or even country?” “What if I end up being 40 and single? Will I still be happy to not be dating then?” “Maybe it would be easier if I had a significant other to help take care of me”. On the job thing, I feel proud of the years I’ve built at the company I work at. A lot of people in their 20s and 30s like to jump around more. After a couple of years, they’re on to the next thing. They want to be an executive, maybe even a CEO…something that’s not even remotely on my ambition radar, nor will it probably ever be.
I’m a huge proponent of internal change…growing as a person. I like looking back and being grateful for the person that I am now versus the person I used to be. I like to reflect on all of the things I’ve learned. But when it comes to external change, I have trouble deciphering how much change I really want, how afraid of it I am and/or if it’s just societal pressure I’m putting on myself. There are definitely times when I’d like to be able to say “Oh I’m doing this great new thing” or “I’m moving into an apartment on my own again” or something like that. I wish I had more of the answer I think people are looking for when I get that question. But I also just think I’m pretty damn content with where I am. There’s that part of me that always likes going against the proverbial grain anyway. I was born with a limp and a super rare disability. Why not be different in a bunch of other ways too? At the end of the day, after all, the only thing that really matters is if I’m happy, no matter what the answer to the question might be.