I’ve noticed that lately I haven’t been feeling heard. I’m a pretty quiet person (except when I have a good, hearty, cackle laugh) and sometimes I mumble so I’ve grown up used to hearing “what?” after I say something to someone or being asked to repeat myself.
As I’ve gotten older, it’s started to bug me more and more when I feel like people can’t hear me but more so when I feel like they’re not listening to me. I’m a thirty something, reasonably intelligent woman. I feel like I know a fair amount of things. Sometimes though, it seems like that counts for nothing. My knowledge falls on deaf ears. I’m not taken seriously so sometimes I feel like I would have more luck talking to a brick wall. It feels almost like I’ve become a kid again. Like people think “oh that silly girl, what does she know? I’m not going to listen to her.”
I try to tell people things that might be helpful and they don’t take me seriously but when someone else tells them the exact same thing, then they listen. When I said the roof in my room was going to get damaged for the 3rd time because of the neighbors’ tree so it needed to be cut, my request fell on deaf ears. So in December when we got really heavy rain, the roof started leaking just as I had predicted (and only just got fixed last week).
I’m forever being interrupted (something I do sometimes to other people I’ve realized but am trying really hard to fix) and talked over. It’s a bit ironic because for so long I’ve wished I was invisible to people so they wouldn’t notice or ask about my MD, but now I’m actually being treated that way a lot and I just want someone to listen instead.
I’m as credible as I need to be. I don’t think it’s me that needs to be fixed at all. If people want to see me as some dumb child, then that’s on them. My voice is just getting a little tired though and I’m reminded of why I spoke up so little growing up. Because if you do speak up and no one seems to hear you or listen, then what’s the point?