It’s kind of funny that the word “dating” is in my blog title since it’s rapidly becoming a topic I talk about so little.
Right before the New Year, I got an email from Hinge, one of the many online dating apps I’ve tried over the years, asking me to come back. It’s actually one of the better ones I’ve tried, but most of my matches on it lived in LA, a distance I’m just not willing to drive to have to meet someone for a date.
But I digress…I read through the email and for a brief second, thought about logging on again. That whole “new year, new me” shpeel. But I knew what would happen if I did, because it’s happened about 10 times before. I would sign up, find some matches, exchange some messages. I would decide I would rather spend my time doing something else besides going on a date with someone so I would delete the app and the cycle would come to an abrupt halt once again.
When I think back on when I actually used to date, it brings up a weird feeling. Not regret, not longing, not even nostalgia really. It actually feels like it was this whole different part of my life, a chapter that’s been completed. Almost like I was a totally different person. It’s kind of like thinking back on a funny memory or something and you think, Haha, oh yeah, I remember when I did that.
In all honesty, I don’t know if it’s ever going to be a part of my life again. Maybe someday I’ll change my mind and decide it’s worth the effort to date again. Maybe I won’t. Maybe I’ll figure out if I genuinely don’t want to be in a relationship or if I’m operating from a place of fear. Maybe I won’t.
I love that when we start a new year, we start out with so much hope and promise for what the year will bring. I know I do. But instead of setting myself for some big sweeping change or thinking I’m going to become a totally different person and then feeling bad when that doesn’t happen, I think I’m just going to see what happens …just like with dating. I’m going to turn “new year, new me” into “new year, this is still me” 🙂