On Self-Belief

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The saying goes…you have to believe in yourself, even when no one else does. I totally get that and I totally agree with that. But for me, for most of my life, the saying has been much more like trying to believe in myself even when everyone else does.

I’ve been lucky enough to have an incredibly supportive group of friends who build me up when I’m down and remind me that I’m valuable, smart, funny, and most importantly…worthy. It’s never really been “everyone else” that’s the problem. It’s always been me.

No matter how much evidence someone can throw at me that I’m worth believing in, I’ve always just had a lot of trouble getting there myself. I always feel like one mistake is going to be my downfall. That I’m going to be out of the job again. That I’m terrible at anything and everything. It’s much more than not believing I’m attractive or something more superficial like that. It’s not believing in my capabilities or my strengths.

I worry that if I believe in myself, that I’m really being a fraud. I knew a person at one point in my life who thought she was the most caring, sensitive, selfless person when really she was the most self-serving, dishonest, and careless person. I hate the idea of being that person. I don’t know why, but the idea of believing something about myself that might not be true seems like one of the worst things. What if I think I’m a good friend and I’m not? What if I’m just as selfish as that person was? What if I think I’m doing a good job and I’m actually doing a terrible one?

I try really hard to be self aware. To admit my flaws. To acknowledge where I need improvement. I think sometimes though, I end up too far on the opposite end of the spectrum. I end up not believing in myself at all, or only focusing on the flaws. I don’t give myself enough credit on the things I do right or do well. I don’t give myself a pat on the back for a job well done enough. I don’t take a look in the mirror and try to see myself as my friends and my family do.

I always hope that self confidence and self belief are things that are waiting just around the corner for me. That one day I’ll be able to pick them up and take them with me everywhere. That’s of course not how any of this works though. I’ve struggled with it for so long, I feel like at some point, something’s gotta give, right? I wish it just clicked for me to be like all the women I look up to that just don’t give a rat’s ass and believed in themselves no matter what life throws at them.

In the meantime, I’m beyond thankful for all of the compassionate voices in my life who remind me of the good things. Who remind me that I’m worthy, and who try to get me to see myself as they see me. Belief or no belief, I couldn’t do it without them ❤

photo credit: The Urban Scot Winter selfie via photopin (license)

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5 thoughts on “On Self-Belief

  1. It’s easy to identify our weaknesses and flaws, and to focus on those rather than where we excel. People who focus on their strengths can be or appear arrogant or self-serving, but I think there’s a great divide between confidence and arrogance. For me personally, I’m quick to point out where I screw up–it’s a loooooong list!–and only now at my ripe old age, have developed the language to assert that I am good at some things. If your friends think you’re worthy, I bet you are. Your friends probably provide a good mirror of the high quality person you are–I bet that you don’t look into that reflection very often. I don’t think many of us do often enough. If you believe your friends are good, decent people, ask yourself what the common denominator in all your friendships is. It’s you. If good people want to be around you, you’re good to be around.

    1. You are so spot on about confidence versus arrogance. I think it’s the mark of a good/mature person who can be aware of their flaws too. But you’re totally right. I need to look back at the reflection my awesome friends see more often. Thank you as always for the comment and encouragement 😊

  2. Once again, I feel like that post came straight from my own head. I struggle SO MUCH with believing in myself. My friends and family believe in me wholeheartedly, but anxiety and lack of self-confidence makes that hard. I’m really trying to work on that, but as you know, it’s much easier said than done. Anyway, enough rambling. Just wanted to come by and say I’ve been thinking of you. I took a little break from blogging, but am back now. Hoping we can connect in real life one day! ❤

    1. Thank you so much as always for your comment. It’s so much easier said that done. I keep hoping one day, like a light switch, it will just turn on and click, even though I know it doesn’t work that way. Glad you’re back from your blogging break! ❤️

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