On Birthdays and Grandmas

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The month of September is a lot of things. It’s several of my friends’ birthday month. It’s my own in fact too. It’s also my grandma’s birthday month. She would have been even closer to 100 this year.

I’m even more keenly aware of her absence as milestone events come up. When I got this new job, I wished I could call and tell her. She was always asking how I liked my job, whichever one I was at. When I was dealing with all of the difficulties at my previous job: the constant change, completely unmanageable workload, dealing with unhappy people, to the eventual bullying I was enduring on a daily basis, I kept asking myself, “what would my grandma do?” The answer I almost always came up with was “she wouldn’t put up with this shit,” but I needed a job and an income so I endured the shit as long as I could. But it pushed me to apply for other jobs like that was a full time job itself. I remembered a story my uncle shared at my grandma’s funeral about her advice to be persistent and that echoed in my mind and kept me going much of the time. And now, here I am with a job I have to practically pinch myself at everyday because I can’t believe I got out and ended up at such a great place (Disclaimer: I know I wrote that about my job before and look how that turned out, but I’m taking the risk and writing these words again for the new job).

Now we’re in my grandma’s birthday month and it makes me even more sad that she’s not here. Even when I couldn’t see her on her birthday, I always called her. I know she’s where she wanted to be now, but I selfishly wish I was still going to be able to call her and wish her a happy birthday. She was such a constant in my life. We oftentimes didn’t agree on things and we definitely got into some arguments because of it, but I always loved and respected her and she never wavered in her love and her support of me.

Even though we differed in a lot of ways, I recognize a lot of the same qualities she had in myself and now that she’s gone, that’s a huge comfort. And I’m so glad that if there was anything else that we shared, it’s our birthday month. Love you and miss you Gma.

photo credit: dejankrsmanovic Happy Birthday Cake via photopin (license)

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