On Why Being Single is OK

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I recently came across this amazing podcast and subsequent Facebook group called A Single Serving. The podcast is all about being single and the host, Shani Silver, interviews a variety of women about their experiences being single (many of them not surrounding the topic of dating which is amazing). The Facebook group is a community of amazing women who are single in all forms. Some are single and looking to find a partner. Some are single and not looking to find a partner. It’s an extremely warm and supportive environment that I’m so happy I found.

Because of my disability, I’ve had this habit my whole life of self-isolating…selfishly believing that I’m the only one going through something or having certain experiences. This wonderful group has not only made me feel understood, it’s allowed me to remove myself from that isolation and see that there are plenty of other people out there just like me, having the same experiences, struggles, and joys being single.

Which brings me to the point of this blog. This may be obvious for some people while for others maybe it’ll bring an epiphany like it did with me, but here’s what I’m here to say: being single is ok. It’s not a problem that needs fixing. It’s not an inferior state of being in comparison with being coupled up or married. It’s not weird and it sure as shit doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with you. It doesn’t matter if you’ve been single for 2 months or 13 years. It’s ok to be single and want to date and meet someone and it’s also ok to be single and not feel at all like you need to date.

Being in a relationship, being married..these are great options for people who want those things. No one is saying they aren’t. But for a long time being single hasn’t been considered an option and if it has, it’s been considered the worst one or something someone is “stuck with” because they can’t find a partner.

And for the love of Pete…stop asking your single friends every time you see them if they’re seeing anyone. I’m sure you mean well, but you have to understand that from our perspective, that question automatically implies that there must be something wrong with us if we haven’t found someone yet. It also implies that being in a relationship is the standard that we all are supposed to be living by so please see above paragraphs. I would never say to someone married, “so, you still married?”

Thanks to this wonderful group of women I’ve met and what I’ve learned from them and from the podcast, I’m hereby no longer making myself feel that there’s something wrong with me because I’ve been single for as long as I have. My singleness isn’t a problem that needs fixing. That when I got out of my one and only relationship 11 years ago, it’s ok that I assumed I would get right into another one, and it’s totally ok that it didn’t turn out that way. It doesn’t mean that there’s anything wrong with me because of it. It’s also ok that I’ve been on countless dates and none of them have turned into relationships. Even more so though, it’s ok that I’m single and that no matter how hard I try, I just can’t force myself to have an interest in dating. No matter how much I may want a travel partner (that’s seriously the only reason I’ve dated at all in the past 2 years), I’m not doing it. It’s ok that I’m going to feel lonely sometimes. You can be just as lonely in a bad relationship too. It’s ok that I choose to focus on myself and work on sharing the love that I have with myself and my family and friends. It’s ok that I’d rather read a book or watch a good documentary than go on a date. I’m not going to be ashamed of what my answer is if someone asks me if I’m seeing anyone or if I’m married. I’m 35 and I’m single…period, end of story.

I’m single because I’m lucky enough to be able to choose that option for myself…and let me tell you, it’s a damn good option.

photo credit: Carlos Velayos Balance at the train station. Equilibrio imperfecto. via photopin (license)


4 thoughts on “On Why Being Single is OK

  1. Hi there. I wanted to introduce myself as I come back to the blogging community. We all have our struggles and I think the key for me is to accept that my struggle although different than many others is no worse than anybody else’s. We all think the Universe has it out for us. My struggle is autism and I would say it is no worse than anyone’s struggle whether it be eating disorders, divorced parents, alcoholism,drug addiction, gambling, diseases and so on and so on. I too have a community called Asperger’s on Facebook that helps me feel as if I belong and I am not alone. I write a blog which has excepts from my book The Driveway Rules and it chronicles struggles with relationships, thoughts on being sober and accepting my struggles and being able to loo back at them without bitterness.

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