On Inauguration Day

I’m gonna be honest (cause that’s a thing I do here), Joe Biden was about my 5th choice for president. He wasn’t progressive enough for me. The accusations of sexual harassment didn’t sit well with me. No matter if they were true or not, I’ve always made the choice to believe the woman in that situation as we are so often not believed and are more often blamed.

I also didn’t know until last year that Joe had overcome a stutter in his youth and became the engaging, powerful speaker he is today. As a person with a disability, that resonated very much with me. Joe, President Biden, has undoubtedly grown on me, but the feminist part of me still feels a little guilty for feeling that way. I still don’t fully know how to rectify all of that within myself and with all of my beliefs

Kamala was my 1st choice and to see her standing up there today taking the oath, even it wasn’t for the office of President, brought tears to me eyes. Especially as she was escorted by Eugene Goodman, one of the few brave souls who stood up to the rioters during the insurrection at the Capitol a couple of weeks ago. I never thought I would see a woman in such a position of leadership in my lifetime. It seemed too impossible of a mountain to climb. So to have a woman and a woman of color now in one of the most important leadership roles in our country, brings such an immeasurable feeling of hope.

What is also undoubtedly true is that I am elated we got the last man out of office. The last 4 years of my life were largely spent in tears. In stress. In anxiety. In anger. In disbelief. In arguments. Only to be heightened in these last two weeks. Feeling like the leader of our country was every bully who ever made my fun of me and my disability. I couldn’t even watch or read the news anymore because it made me too mad and made me feel too hopeless.

I didn’t know if I was ever going to be able to exhale again. But today, today I have exhaled. I have exhaled all that anger, frustration, hopelessness, anxiety, and all of the tears.

I know there is a long road ahead. I know one presidency isn’t going to fix all of the deep seated issues our country has. The divide that’s grown and grown over the years. The systemic racism and inequality that’s always been there.

The pandemic is still shit. People are still dying. That fact definitely can’t be ignored. But for today, somehow, I’m allowing myself to feel hope. And most importantly, I’m allowing myself to let go of the anger. I know it doesn’t mean I won’t ever be angry again, but to be able to release that today was like a huge weight lifted off my shoulders.

I don’t think I can close this out with any words better than those spoken by the incredible Amanda Gorman at today’s inauguration so that’s exactly what I’m going to do:

The loss we carry,

a sea we must wade

We’ve braved the belly of the beast

We’ve learned that quiet isn’t always peace

And the norms and notions

of what just is

Isn’t always just-ice

And yet the dawn is ours

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