I’ve only gotten my 1st vaccine shot and still have one more to go, but as I get closer to being able to return to some kind of normal — or at least a new normal — I wanted to start documenting some of the change.
This past year has been so filled with anger, despair, and hurt. I couldn’t see the light at the end of the tunnel. Many days I didn’t even want to even get out of bed. I went back to therapy just to try and function and dig myself out of the hole.
All of that has undoubtedly been reflected in my blog posts. So now I want to take time and celebrate what life is like post-vaccine. No matter how small the steps may be, they are steps nonetheless, and steps I’m elated to be able to take. I know things may not be the same, but I do know that I now I can start living in some form again. Now I can start doing the things that bring me joy again.
This week I did 2 things that make me happy that I haven’t been able to do since before the holidays last year: I drove thru to get coffee and I drove thru to get food. Again, I know these may seem like small, silly things, but for me, they were huge strides of progress. They were things I used to do pre-COVID without even a second thought. Also, my car hasn’t started 3 times now since the beginning of the pandemic because I’m not driving enough so I think the Silver Bullet appreciated being taken out for a spin a couple of times.
I’m still adjusting a bit to life outside of the house, even though I’m only doing a few things and not doing them frequently. I still have the fear that I made the wrong decision after doing something (no matter how many masks I have on or how small of an errand it was). I know that going forward, life is going to involve a whole lot more risk analysis than it used to. I know I’m going to be overwhelmed sometimes having to deal with that and my disability on top of it. I know there will probably be days when I won’t have the energy to even the leave the house, something that actually existed already for me even before all of this.
But with every small step of “outside” that I’m able to take, the more whole I start to feel again. Plans are starting to be made. Though COVID has conditioned me to fear being too hopeful, hope is starting to trickle back in slowly.
Let’s see what’s small step comes next…