I’ve gone from posting no blogs for a long time to posting 3 in a matter of days…a car accident will do that to you.
Tomorrow is my first day back to work and I have a lot of feelings running through me right now. I’m extremely grateful I was able to get a new car today after not a whole lot of hassle or haggle (and the help of my wonderful dad). As much of a burden as that has lifted, it certainly didn’t fix everything. I couldn’t quite identify this nagging feeling I’ve had since about Wednesday. Then I realized tonight…it’s fear. Not the horror movie, breath-snatching fear but just that little bit of fear knocking on my internal door.
I’m going back to work and trying to resume my life as “normal” again. Running errands, getting what I need at Target, going places with friends. You would think that would all be exciting and it definitely is. I’ve never wanted to get back to work so much in my life but I feel like on Tuesday my life changed. A different chapter was started whether I wanted it to or not. I plan on making it a good chapter but at the same time, I was made aware of something I think a lot of us so often forget in the day-to-day grind we get so used to: life is short and on a simple drive to work one day, it can change change in less than 30 seconds. I feel so overdramatic when I say my life was in danger that day but I know the reality is that it was. I’ve never really had a moment like that in my life thus far (other than an accident I was in a long time ago when my friend fell asleep at the wheel) and it wakes you up in a really weird way. Now that I’ve been privy to such information though, I can’t really drive down that street the same way. I’m never going to not wonder if someone is going to jet out and make an illegal left turn in front of me again. I don’t know if I’m ever going to forget how easy it is to get in a car accident or how fragile we all are on this earth.
So it’s almost like I don’t even know where to begin with picking up my life and just going again. This week it literally kind of came to a stand still. I couldn’t go anywhere, I was laid up in bed or on the couch…It’s going to take a little time for me to just going like I did before everything happened. I’d be lying if I said even a little part of me didn’t like the idea of never leaving the house again but I know that I can’t let this stop me. People have been through much worse and continued on with their lives and I fully plan on doing the same, no matter how long that nagging might linger.